There's been a lot of hassle and difficulty in getting a location and date that everyone necessary can come, but it finally got all worked out:
This Saturday, Nov 27th Redeye42011 and I will be attempting our largest needle project to date: 420 needles, taking about 4 hours, in a design down his back, arms and buttocks.
We're going to be doing it at the local club on NEAAL night now that we've MsDawn's a-ok. I double-checked and the lady she has hosting it that night is aware of what we're planning and is also fine with it.
We are taking up a corner of the front dungeon and setting up my own lights, table, etc. and will be both videoing it and taking pictures.
I'm nervous for how pretty the design will hopefully come out and that it's going to be hard on both Redeye42011 and I (though in different ways). I've planned at least a break in the middle for us each to catch our breath and we're to each have an assistant (Lily for him, Chael for me) to keep us hydrated and to help me work as quickly and easily as possible.
Then, next day, I am working the vendor's fair at the same location doing permanent piercings and small temporary piercings at 25c/needle or cheaper with negotiation of large numbers. Miss Lilly and I are trying to figure out a way to pierce her for charity donations later that night at the play party. She's not sure if she might chicken out so we've no workable solution yet.
Tiring two days for me, upcoming. Phwoo.
Before then is Chael's and my Fall Anniversary on Wednesday (I train down tomorrow and then we'll come back up either Wednesday night or Thursday morning) and then Thursday we're having Thanksgiving with PSOGirl, her master and another friend of theirs. Just a small get together for the holiday.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Raw transition
I'm trying out eating more raw foods and tweaking my macronutrient intakes to the 80/10/10 ration... Not sure if I'll entirely go there, but I'm tinkering with my diet to see what works best for me health, weight and energy-wise.
Well, it's been 10 days and I've lost 25lbs... I'm eating about 80% of my food raw, about 3K calories a day, and have more energy than usual.
Hm. We'll see if/how this goes and lasts. Personal experiment time.
Well, it's been 10 days and I've lost 25lbs... I'm eating about 80% of my food raw, about 3K calories a day, and have more energy than usual.
Hm. We'll see if/how this goes and lasts. Personal experiment time.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Staying here + deployment = move
We aren't leaving TX. Chael has been placed in a new unit that is deploying in March. We're staying here.
Happily, at least, he'll be going to Kuwait rather than Afghanistan. For how long again, we don't know.
So, after some talk and some up-coming arranging MissLilly and Psogirl have decided to let me move in with them. I'll be renting the top floor of one section of the house where they've had other friends rent out before.
I think this is a good move. It feels like the right thing for this time with the right people.
Once I get papers from Chael I can put in my 30 day notice here and start moving into their next month when I'm back from the Crucible Lock-Down in DC.
Speaking of, I'll be seeing members of Delta House there that night and having a grand ole time most likely... can't bring much for toys since I'm training to there, but will pack a few items and make the most of just plain spending time with friends. Maybe I'll get suspended, would love that; it's been too long.
Happily, at least, he'll be going to Kuwait rather than Afghanistan. For how long again, we don't know.
So, after some talk and some up-coming arranging MissLilly and Psogirl have decided to let me move in with them. I'll be renting the top floor of one section of the house where they've had other friends rent out before.
I think this is a good move. It feels like the right thing for this time with the right people.
Once I get papers from Chael I can put in my 30 day notice here and start moving into their next month when I'm back from the Crucible Lock-Down in DC.
Speaking of, I'll be seeing members of Delta House there that night and having a grand ole time most likely... can't bring much for toys since I'm training to there, but will pack a few items and make the most of just plain spending time with friends. Maybe I'll get suspended, would love that; it's been too long.
Friday, October 15, 2010
First night's sleep
First night of sleep on it and it's going to take some getting used to. Not in a bad way, but it is a change.
So far I slept in chunks rather than one long period (which isn't abnormal for me) but when asleep I slept harder and with more noticeable dreams than usual.
Tinkering through the night with bed positions and sleeping positions I ended up in my usual way of on my stomach, but with the foot raised a bit more than the head. Won't be suitable for days I am dealing with a lot of acid reflux, but for last night it caused me to just pass on out.
Oh, and as a side topic, my cat loves this thing lol.
So far I slept in chunks rather than one long period (which isn't abnormal for me) but when asleep I slept harder and with more noticeable dreams than usual.
Tinkering through the night with bed positions and sleeping positions I ended up in my usual way of on my stomach, but with the foot raised a bit more than the head. Won't be suitable for days I am dealing with a lot of acid reflux, but for last night it caused me to just pass on out.
Oh, and as a side topic, my cat loves this thing lol.
Adjustable Bed & memory foam mattress
This is gonna sound like a commercial 'cuz I'm so please, so be warned! lol!
I just bought an adjustable bed with memory foam mattress from SimplyRest and it arrived today.
I have back, knee, foot, and hip pain + hiatal hernia, ulcer, and GERD + pain and insomnia as problems from bipolar disorder. Oh, and migraines.
I needed to be able to sit up when the acid reflux gets bad, lay flat and raise my knees when the migraines hit, and arrange various ways for the rest as suits me.
I have only had it today so far and I am already SO pleased.
I'll update as it goes or answer any questions folks may have about the adjustability and mattress.
I'm sitting here typing and my back feels so comfy. My hips are so comfy.
I got the Wave model and I tested the massage features and they are deceptively simple. At first I was like, "hmph, it vibrates, that's no big deal"... then I started noticing the "wave" shifting of the vibration and almost fell asleep in the middle of the day just testing the bed.
SO great so far. I can't believe I waited all these years, wondering, to get one.
I just bought an adjustable bed with memory foam mattress from SimplyRest and it arrived today.
I have back, knee, foot, and hip pain + hiatal hernia, ulcer, and GERD + pain and insomnia as problems from bipolar disorder. Oh, and migraines.
I needed to be able to sit up when the acid reflux gets bad, lay flat and raise my knees when the migraines hit, and arrange various ways for the rest as suits me.
I have only had it today so far and I am already SO pleased.
I'll update as it goes or answer any questions folks may have about the adjustability and mattress.
I'm sitting here typing and my back feels so comfy. My hips are so comfy.
I got the Wave model and I tested the massage features and they are deceptively simple. At first I was like, "hmph, it vibrates, that's no big deal"... then I started noticing the "wave" shifting of the vibration and almost fell asleep in the middle of the day just testing the bed.
SO great so far. I can't believe I waited all these years, wondering, to get one.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
vegan Chael?
I went lacto-ovo veggie, then a while later he went lacto-ovo.
Years later I went vegan (about 1.5 years now) and he is this week trying his first go at veganhood.
I've never pushed him to cut more animal products out as I have as I've felt that such choices had to be his own to be solid... but I've been so proud of him becoming veggie and hoping he would go vegan; now it seems he might.
He also wants to join me in eating less processed foods (I rarely eat such at home when I've no guests).
I'm so proud of him. :))
Years later I went vegan (about 1.5 years now) and he is this week trying his first go at veganhood.
I've never pushed him to cut more animal products out as I have as I've felt that such choices had to be his own to be solid... but I've been so proud of him becoming veggie and hoping he would go vegan; now it seems he might.
He also wants to join me in eating less processed foods (I rarely eat such at home when I've no guests).
I'm so proud of him. :))
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Still Waiting
Still no word on the move... it's been "we'll let you know next week" for months now. The NCO in charge is trying to get our fence lifted (what keeps Chael from getting reassigned and is holding this all up) but no luck so far.
I don't mind, even enjoy, moving... but this not knowing if or where is getting old.
Things here at home are good. Chael is getting more used to being home and, despite some minor sniffles and such, I've been pretty healthy lately over-all (well, except meds fun, but that isn't "sick" that's "meds").
Big change in my life coming up in 2-4 weeks:
I ordered a bed.
I haven't slept in a bed regularly in 12 years. Haven't owned one. Chael and I both sleep on the floor.
It's become part of my identity, this manner of living and it's something I've slowly been altering lately. I bought my first ever couch last year, this year it's a bed.
I feel like I'm devolving. Becoming plush and soft and materialistic. I don't want that.
I have the opposing traits of being a collector and deeply valuing the ascetic lifestyle (that is part of my veganhood, my bdsm practice, how I didn't have tv for 10 years -another thing I got a year ago for the first time, etc). I'm a mix of these two things and they war inside and outside me in my life.
I have 225 eyeshadows but for the past 12 years have slept on the floor for comfort and spirituality sake.
Now I'm getting a bed and I am excited and disappointed in me at the same time.
I'm trying to balance these views in me about this and do have to admit that the bed isn't fully a matter of extravagance; I have a hiatal hernia and bad acid reflux that meds only minorly help. I also have migraines where the only help is a very specific knees-up sleeping position.
The bed I am getting is an adjustable bed which will combat the vomiting in my sleep and migraine pain, as well as hopefully avoiding my knees locking up at night as often.
So, it is useful as well as luxury... but the luxury side still pains me some. This isn't another cheap set of earrings or a $2 nailpolish, this is a large, expensive, luxury item that changes my whole life in some ways... and certainly part of my identity.
I just want to be excited while not getting too unhealthily tied up in the luxury of a bed and the materialism it represents.
I doubt this makes much sense to others as to others a bed is a normal thing. :/ But let's just leave it that this is a big moral deal for me.
I don't mind, even enjoy, moving... but this not knowing if or where is getting old.
Things here at home are good. Chael is getting more used to being home and, despite some minor sniffles and such, I've been pretty healthy lately over-all (well, except meds fun, but that isn't "sick" that's "meds").
Big change in my life coming up in 2-4 weeks:
I ordered a bed.
I haven't slept in a bed regularly in 12 years. Haven't owned one. Chael and I both sleep on the floor.
It's become part of my identity, this manner of living and it's something I've slowly been altering lately. I bought my first ever couch last year, this year it's a bed.
I feel like I'm devolving. Becoming plush and soft and materialistic. I don't want that.
I have the opposing traits of being a collector and deeply valuing the ascetic lifestyle (that is part of my veganhood, my bdsm practice, how I didn't have tv for 10 years -another thing I got a year ago for the first time, etc). I'm a mix of these two things and they war inside and outside me in my life.
I have 225 eyeshadows but for the past 12 years have slept on the floor for comfort and spirituality sake.
Now I'm getting a bed and I am excited and disappointed in me at the same time.
I'm trying to balance these views in me about this and do have to admit that the bed isn't fully a matter of extravagance; I have a hiatal hernia and bad acid reflux that meds only minorly help. I also have migraines where the only help is a very specific knees-up sleeping position.
The bed I am getting is an adjustable bed which will combat the vomiting in my sleep and migraine pain, as well as hopefully avoiding my knees locking up at night as often.
So, it is useful as well as luxury... but the luxury side still pains me some. This isn't another cheap set of earrings or a $2 nailpolish, this is a large, expensive, luxury item that changes my whole life in some ways... and certainly part of my identity.
I just want to be excited while not getting too unhealthily tied up in the luxury of a bed and the materialism it represents.
I doubt this makes much sense to others as to others a bed is a normal thing. :/ But let's just leave it that this is a big moral deal for me.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
First class, sherry, fw
Am at dfw airport killing time til boarding a flight to NJ for Floating World where I'll see Patrick and other friends.
I got a cheap upgrade to first class and checked both my bags cuz it was free this time (had small backpack with me I was going to take as carry-on).
Then, on going to my flight I found a wine bar that sold La Bodega de Mitchell sherry (heavenly pralines-and-cream flavor) and sat for a glass.
15 minutes til they're supposed to start boarding. Hate waiting. But the flight is only 3 hours and I'm sure to sleep through most of it. Then Patrick picks me up and we grab grub on way to the event.
Waiting.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I got a cheap upgrade to first class and checked both my bags cuz it was free this time (had small backpack with me I was going to take as carry-on).
Then, on going to my flight I found a wine bar that sold La Bodega de Mitchell sherry (heavenly pralines-and-cream flavor) and sat for a glass.
15 minutes til they're supposed to start boarding. Hate waiting. But the flight is only 3 hours and I'm sure to sleep through most of it. Then Patrick picks me up and we grab grub on way to the event.
Waiting.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Location:Unnamed Rd,Grapevine,United States
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Chael/Grey and slavery
I called him today and said "I know you hate the word but I'm going to use it right now because of what I want to say.... I think you're a really good slave".
He replied, "I think so, too".
squee.
13 years of being a slave to me but hating the words "submissive" and "slave" and last month he acknowledged being submissive to me. Today he accepted the word "slave" as applied to him and took some pride in it.
I love the changes he's making in this and being able to talk about them more than vaguely (I was always vague and used different wording out of respect for his feelings... I didn't care what words we used so long as the relationship was what I wanted).
He always and continues to make me so proud.
He replied, "I think so, too".
squee.
13 years of being a slave to me but hating the words "submissive" and "slave" and last month he acknowledged being submissive to me. Today he accepted the word "slave" as applied to him and took some pride in it.
I love the changes he's making in this and being able to talk about them more than vaguely (I was always vague and used different wording out of respect for his feelings... I didn't care what words we used so long as the relationship was what I wanted).
He always and continues to make me so proud.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Austin if not moving, then moving
We still have no word on when/whether we're doing a full PCS move in the next month, sigh. If we do, we could go anywhere in a very short amount of time.
If we don't move for some reason, then Chael and I are leaning towards me moving to Austin so that we're closer (and I get to nom on the awesome vegan food there). I want to stay in a city but want to be closer to him.
This means more distance between friends I care a lot about, but I could still visit them. I'll work out some schedule with them that I can maybe come stay a couple days here and there. We'll see what works for them.
I found some really nice apartments online for Austin, so am kinda excited about that. We'll see what they *actually* look like on visiting sometime.
If we don't move for some reason, then Chael and I are leaning towards me moving to Austin so that we're closer (and I get to nom on the awesome vegan food there). I want to stay in a city but want to be closer to him.
This means more distance between friends I care a lot about, but I could still visit them. I'll work out some schedule with them that I can maybe come stay a couple days here and there. We'll see what works for them.
I found some really nice apartments online for Austin, so am kinda excited about that. We'll see what they *actually* look like on visiting sometime.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Done
My friendship and relationships with Hillary and Scott are done. I'm not even angry or sad, just done. A bit relieved in some ways as it was becoming too drama filled for my tastes.
I tried today to do the right thing and return some of their sheets they left here and the mattress their friend Brian had loaned me through them, but even though Scott's car was there no one answered the door.
On other things, someone broke into Chael's GA house and we need to go later this month sometime to fix a bunch of things wrong... the door itself, the A/C unit to the central air that got stolen, the keyless lock on the garage door, etc.
I'm going to Floating World in about a week and a half and will see Patrick and others from Camp. Should be awesome fun. The classes look really good and some are by familiar faces, plus Fakir Musafar will be there doing a couple and a speaking bit on his life. Interesting.
So life is pretty good, despite some changes and the house nonsense. We'll take care of it and it'll be fine.
I'm feeling pretty good for me right now.
I tried today to do the right thing and return some of their sheets they left here and the mattress their friend Brian had loaned me through them, but even though Scott's car was there no one answered the door.
On other things, someone broke into Chael's GA house and we need to go later this month sometime to fix a bunch of things wrong... the door itself, the A/C unit to the central air that got stolen, the keyless lock on the garage door, etc.
I'm going to Floating World in about a week and a half and will see Patrick and others from Camp. Should be awesome fun. The classes look really good and some are by familiar faces, plus Fakir Musafar will be there doing a couple and a speaking bit on his life. Interesting.
So life is pretty good, despite some changes and the house nonsense. We'll take care of it and it'll be fine.
I'm feeling pretty good for me right now.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Awwwww
Chael is driving up to stay tonight with me. He has to go back tomorrow because he has duty Saturday. Bleh.
But it's SO sweet he's driving up just for the night. I think he misses me :D
We're planning to make pizza with the vegan cheese we found (Daiya brand, holy cow is it good... melts like real cheese and tastes good, too! Who'd've thunk??!!)...but I actually want to go to sushi. Hm.
Bad news: The GA house got broken into. Chael is pissed and understandably so. The house has been on the market 2 years and he's getting fed up with this realtor, the A/C recently got stolen and now the backdoor has been busted in. Neither of the last two are the realtor's fault, it's just part of the house sitting there this long. We need a new realtor and we're hoping he house is covered for all this. Doubt it, but hoping.
But it's SO sweet he's driving up just for the night. I think he misses me :D
We're planning to make pizza with the vegan cheese we found (Daiya brand, holy cow is it good... melts like real cheese and tastes good, too! Who'd've thunk??!!)...but I actually want to go to sushi. Hm.
Bad news: The GA house got broken into. Chael is pissed and understandably so. The house has been on the market 2 years and he's getting fed up with this realtor, the A/C recently got stolen and now the backdoor has been busted in. Neither of the last two are the realtor's fault, it's just part of the house sitting there this long. We need a new realtor and we're hoping he house is covered for all this. Doubt it, but hoping.
Updates
Tons of new posts added, transferred over from Fetlife journal. I'd been doing most of my writing there and needed to tidy this one up.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Missing My Honey
Totally missing Chael this evening. I rarely miss people, so it's noteworthy when I do...
Looking forward to him coming up this weekend! We're mainly going to bum around Friday night and Saturday, then Sunday we're going to the pool party. He's owed a day off by his unit, so he's gonna see if they'll give him Monday so he can stay an extra day.
Last weekend was our 13th wedding anniversary Sunday and the whole weekend was lovely. We took a spontaneous trip to Austin and had awesome vegan food at Mother's Cafe, then visited a very neat (& uncomfortably casual) herb/magick/hippy shop. Then Sunday I got breakfast in bed, we went swimming, and later that night grilled veggie dogs to make Coney Islands.
It was so fun.
Oh, and a couple of cases of delightful sex.
Then, I trained to Ft Worth where I met up w/ Abusablepaintoy and we had a tasty lunch, then road the TRE back to Dallas together and hung out a short bit. A very nice wrap up to a very happy weekend.
So looking forward to my honey getting here on Friday.
Unrelated, but every now and then I think maybe I should make Chael's profile here more realistic/matching up with what mine says (I filled out and update both our profiles). But I get too much humor out of what his says every time I re-read and consider changing what I put there. His profile is basically a bunch of references to my own personal in-jokes about him and me. For now I'm still sticking with what makes me giggle vs. accuracy.
Looking forward to him coming up this weekend! We're mainly going to bum around Friday night and Saturday, then Sunday we're going to the pool party. He's owed a day off by his unit, so he's gonna see if they'll give him Monday so he can stay an extra day.
Last weekend was our 13th wedding anniversary Sunday and the whole weekend was lovely. We took a spontaneous trip to Austin and had awesome vegan food at Mother's Cafe, then visited a very neat (& uncomfortably casual) herb/magick/hippy shop. Then Sunday I got breakfast in bed, we went swimming, and later that night grilled veggie dogs to make Coney Islands.
It was so fun.
Oh, and a couple of cases of delightful sex.
Then, I trained to Ft Worth where I met up w/ Abusablepaintoy and we had a tasty lunch, then road the TRE back to Dallas together and hung out a short bit. A very nice wrap up to a very happy weekend.
So looking forward to my honey getting here on Friday.
Unrelated, but every now and then I think maybe I should make Chael's profile here more realistic/matching up with what mine says (I filled out and update both our profiles). But I get too much humor out of what his says every time I re-read and consider changing what I put there. His profile is basically a bunch of references to my own personal in-jokes about him and me. For now I'm still sticking with what makes me giggle vs. accuracy.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So Tired
Insomnia again. Laid awake all night giving myself mental cases of The Horrids (what I call thinking about worst case scenarios regarding my life and relationships and people and pets important to me).
Two hours of sleep and appointments spread out throughout today. One last one to go. I am so tired.
Ugh.
Two hours of sleep and appointments spread out throughout today. One last one to go. I am so tired.
Ugh.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Anniversary and First Date
This weekend I go down to spend time with my hubby... he's trying to get Monday off so we have a bit more time together than usual. I'm training down on Friday and coming home Monday, most likely.
Sunday is our 13th anniversary. We plan to go to Belton Lake military resort and roast vegan-dogs and make Coney Islands out of them and just generally be together. Am all looking forward to it :D
Had, at the age of 33, my first and only official Date Experience tonight. I have always either just "hung out" with partners and friends or only gone on special nights out with people I was in a committed relationship with. Never a Real Date as part of the courtship-in-the-early-relationship ritual.
It was very nice and very nice of him and I definitely consider it a success and now have that experience-block checked.
So yay.
Did have a bit of a nervous day yesterday... for a day Chael and I had reason to worry that we'd be told sometime this week that we had to move NEXT MONTH because they're doing that to some of his unit (back to work one day and told to move to El Paso within 30 days)! He found out today, though, that he is not currently on the El Paso list... doesn't mean he won't be for a later move, since the unit is going in waves, but he IS looking over job requisitions and working the angles to get to stay at Ft. Hood and me in Dallas.
There are options for him to stay there, but all bad. We're looking for better opportunities for him. For now, though, we're still here.
Sunday is our 13th anniversary. We plan to go to Belton Lake military resort and roast vegan-dogs and make Coney Islands out of them and just generally be together. Am all looking forward to it :D
Had, at the age of 33, my first and only official Date Experience tonight. I have always either just "hung out" with partners and friends or only gone on special nights out with people I was in a committed relationship with. Never a Real Date as part of the courtship-in-the-early-relationship ritual.
It was very nice and very nice of him and I definitely consider it a success and now have that experience-block checked.
So yay.
Did have a bit of a nervous day yesterday... for a day Chael and I had reason to worry that we'd be told sometime this week that we had to move NEXT MONTH because they're doing that to some of his unit (back to work one day and told to move to El Paso within 30 days)! He found out today, though, that he is not currently on the El Paso list... doesn't mean he won't be for a later move, since the unit is going in waves, but he IS looking over job requisitions and working the angles to get to stay at Ft. Hood and me in Dallas.
There are options for him to stay there, but all bad. We're looking for better opportunities for him. For now, though, we're still here.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Chael Fun
Chael and I have been staying up waaay too late each night watching scary movies and then The Golden Girls (to clear our mental palates before sleep)... then sleeping til noon or later each day.
We worked today on his service topping me... he beat me up some and I critiqued during and after as he continues to learn how I like it. He's such a sweety :)
About to pick the next movie...
We worked today on his service topping me... he beat me up some and I critiqued during and after as he continues to learn how I like it. He's such a sweety :)
About to pick the next movie...
Fun Day Yesterday
Went out to dinner and Adventure Landing with Chael, LadyHillary and Abusablepaintoy.
Chael was grumpypants annoying during the first hour or so we were all out and at dinner and I almost sent his butt home. But slowly and eventually he pulled out of it and became social.
All four of us did mini-golf, then Chael went and played video games in the arcade while us other three did go-karts and bumper-boats.
I'd never done go-karts before. It was very fun. Definitely a do-again.
First time on bumper-boats and it was a giggly wet mess lol. It turns out they each have a water sprayer on them to soak the other boat people... and boy did we all come out soaked.
Then it was frozen yogurt time for everyone (well, not I as I'm vegan, but I came along) and back home. LadyHillary had to work all day today and it was late, so Chael and I bundled ourselves back home and watched Army of Darkness (which I passed out during and slept solid all night).
So, I give Adventure Landing a thumbs up. The crowds and kids kind of stressed me bad at first but I rolled with it well and had a great time losing at putt-putt and other fun.
Chael was grumpypants annoying during the first hour or so we were all out and at dinner and I almost sent his butt home. But slowly and eventually he pulled out of it and became social.
All four of us did mini-golf, then Chael went and played video games in the arcade while us other three did go-karts and bumper-boats.
I'd never done go-karts before. It was very fun. Definitely a do-again.
First time on bumper-boats and it was a giggly wet mess lol. It turns out they each have a water sprayer on them to soak the other boat people... and boy did we all come out soaked.
Then it was frozen yogurt time for everyone (well, not I as I'm vegan, but I came along) and back home. LadyHillary had to work all day today and it was late, so Chael and I bundled ourselves back home and watched Army of Darkness (which I passed out during and slept solid all night).
So, I give Adventure Landing a thumbs up. The crowds and kids kind of stressed me bad at first but I rolled with it well and had a great time losing at putt-putt and other fun.
Value
Little things, even when you know they are little things, that remind you of your place as Extra hurt. Especially when you have 2 events in less than a week that make you feel forgettable/blow-off-able.
Recently I've been repeatedly reminded of that Priority vs. Option saying. I think someone may be a priority to me while I'm an option to them.
On happier thoughts, in a few minutes I'm hopping a bus to hop a train to go and stay the night with my darling spouse. :) Tomorrow we drive back up here for him to stay with me for a while, yay!! Spouse hugs and love and dirtiness. :D
Recently I've been repeatedly reminded of that Priority vs. Option saying. I think someone may be a priority to me while I'm an option to them.
On happier thoughts, in a few minutes I'm hopping a bus to hop a train to go and stay the night with my darling spouse. :) Tomorrow we drive back up here for him to stay with me for a while, yay!! Spouse hugs and love and dirtiness. :D
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Dress Up
I.am.so.aroused.
Been thinking for a week that AbusablePainToy and I would be "playing dress-up" (me wearing my tightlacing corset by WaspCreations and some stockings) this Friday... didn't get actually confirmed til today.
I spent today doing female upkeep... waxing, manicure, eyebrows done. Laid out my stuff for tomorrow. Now have to try and sleep when am all worked up.
Gawd I love that corset and gawd I love having someone to share my kink with.
Having someone who mutually enjoys it help me into my outfit, cinch me in... feeling the constriction and limitation of movement... pressure of hands against heavy cloth and boning against my skin...
Growr.
Must. Sleep.
Gotta get up around 9am for shower and shaving legs and such, then off to his house.
Yeah, I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight... Christmas Morning Syndrome but with more arousal.
Been thinking for a week that AbusablePainToy and I would be "playing dress-up" (me wearing my tightlacing corset by WaspCreations and some stockings) this Friday... didn't get actually confirmed til today.
I spent today doing female upkeep... waxing, manicure, eyebrows done. Laid out my stuff for tomorrow. Now have to try and sleep when am all worked up.
Gawd I love that corset and gawd I love having someone to share my kink with.
Having someone who mutually enjoys it help me into my outfit, cinch me in... feeling the constriction and limitation of movement... pressure of hands against heavy cloth and boning against my skin...
Growr.
Must. Sleep.
Gotta get up around 9am for shower and shaving legs and such, then off to his house.
Yeah, I'm going to have a hard time sleeping tonight... Christmas Morning Syndrome but with more arousal.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Things and Kidneys
Well, besides kidney-related nuisances, things are pretty good here.
My darling husband home from Iraq and he's coming up next week to visit while on leave.
An unsure-what-to-call-it thing that I'm constantly at a loss about but thoroughly enjoying...
Shared giggles with a close galfriend.
Missing some other friends but hope to visit with them shortly.
=====
Brazilian waxing, manicure and eyebrows done tomorrow.
"Playing dress-up" Friday with my whatever-he-is.
Subjecting my galfriend to Alien (as a start to showing her the series) soon.
Spouse showing up Monday sometime.
=====
Now if I could just fall the heck asleep.
My darling husband home from Iraq and he's coming up next week to visit while on leave.
An unsure-what-to-call-it thing that I'm constantly at a loss about but thoroughly enjoying...
Shared giggles with a close galfriend.
Missing some other friends but hope to visit with them shortly.
=====
Brazilian waxing, manicure and eyebrows done tomorrow.
"Playing dress-up" Friday with my whatever-he-is.
Subjecting my galfriend to Alien (as a start to showing her the series) soon.
Spouse showing up Monday sometime.
=====
Now if I could just fall the heck asleep.
Kidneys, VA, Dammit
LadyHillary and AbusablePainToy are coming in a little bit to take me to the VA ER. I've been fighting what feels like a kidney infection for about a week now and it's not going away...
I know I need to get it checked out and medicated before it can get serious (I've had bad cases of kidney infections where my kidney's swelled up and I was unable to walk), but -as I told Hillary- there is just something so terribly wrong to me about going to the ER when you can still walk upright and/or breathe.
So I've been putting it off, as the only option with the VA is to go into the ER/no-appointment-clinic. Each day I've been in various states of "ouch" (from "well that's not right" to "fuck, I can't stand up straight and can't pick up anything off the floor"). Today's not the worst, but talked to Hill some and had to admit to myself that I need to go and get some meds and get it over with.
But dammit going to the doctor is no fun. And they're being sweet and going to the ER with me, so they'll be subjected to the boredom of it with me.
Hopefully it won't take us forever, I'll get antibiotics and be feeling better in a couple days.
Le sigh.
I know I need to get it checked out and medicated before it can get serious (I've had bad cases of kidney infections where my kidney's swelled up and I was unable to walk), but -as I told Hillary- there is just something so terribly wrong to me about going to the ER when you can still walk upright and/or breathe.
So I've been putting it off, as the only option with the VA is to go into the ER/no-appointment-clinic. Each day I've been in various states of "ouch" (from "well that's not right" to "fuck, I can't stand up straight and can't pick up anything off the floor"). Today's not the worst, but talked to Hill some and had to admit to myself that I need to go and get some meds and get it over with.
But dammit going to the doctor is no fun. And they're being sweet and going to the ER with me, so they'll be subjected to the boredom of it with me.
Hopefully it won't take us forever, I'll get antibiotics and be feeling better in a couple days.
Le sigh.
In Dallas With Chael
We drove up from Houston yesterday after getting his truck from his mom's house. It was a loooong day of driving.
But it's so good to have him back home, in the States, and with me. He'll be here just a couple of days more til he has to return to Ft. Hood for work. Then maybe back for the weekend, it depends.
We're getting back into our back-and-forth visiting habits and thoroughly enjoying being together after such a long absence.
LadyHillary and AbusablePainToy came over last night and we all spend a lovely night talking and hanging about and such. It was, as always, good to see them and I know Chael enjoyed getting back together with friends.
Plus, I thoroughly enjoyed Hillary's face in those minutes before they left for home lol.
Errands today, must try to get his truck registered. Then maybe an outing tonight. We'll see.
Things will be in flux for me for a while as everything gets back into a regular schedule.
But it's so good to have him back home, in the States, and with me. He'll be here just a couple of days more til he has to return to Ft. Hood for work. Then maybe back for the weekend, it depends.
We're getting back into our back-and-forth visiting habits and thoroughly enjoying being together after such a long absence.
LadyHillary and AbusablePainToy came over last night and we all spend a lovely night talking and hanging about and such. It was, as always, good to see them and I know Chael enjoyed getting back together with friends.
Plus, I thoroughly enjoyed Hillary's face in those minutes before they left for home lol.
Errands today, must try to get his truck registered. Then maybe an outing tonight. We'll see.
Things will be in flux for me for a while as everything gets back into a regular schedule.
Heading Out
Just woke, am about to get around and head south to Fort Hood. We talked on the phone last night and decided after all to get a hotel room, so I'm to go do that and bum about until it's time to go see him come home.
3.5 hour drive here I come, just have to get around and load up the car with odds and ends he needs/wants.
3.5 hour drive here I come, just have to get around and load up the car with odds and ends he needs/wants.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
6 more days
Til Chael comes home!!! Am so very excited.
Had a wonderful day with Scott yesterday and it ended perfectly: publically, a hug from him and a hug and kiss from Hillary.
Unfortunately I'd had two things planned yesterday that didn't happen: a horde symbol cutting on Scott and a needle scene with Jeremiah. Both will be at another time, though, so it's okay. Those will work out :)
I can't believe it's so close to time for Chael to be here.
Gotta run to the grocery today, I can no longer avoid it. May get my head shaved, too, since I'll be out... need to get that done before going down to see Chael next week.
Good day so far.
Had a wonderful day with Scott yesterday and it ended perfectly: publically, a hug from him and a hug and kiss from Hillary.
Unfortunately I'd had two things planned yesterday that didn't happen: a horde symbol cutting on Scott and a needle scene with Jeremiah. Both will be at another time, though, so it's okay. Those will work out :)
I can't believe it's so close to time for Chael to be here.
Gotta run to the grocery today, I can no longer avoid it. May get my head shaved, too, since I'll be out... need to get that done before going down to see Chael next week.
Good day so far.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Thinking about me and us
Been talking a lot on the forums here lately and thinking a lot about Chael since he'll be home soon. These are some things I've long been aware of but haven't so much said here before (though they can be gleaned from my various posts, I'm sure, or if someone spends much time with me):
I am inherently selfish. I am incredibly self-centered and ego-centric. I am extremely introverted. I am highly possessive and in many areas very uptight. I am a slut. I rarely care about anyone other than myself, but when I do I tend to care too much. I am clinically hypersexual and have to work hard to not overwhelm my partner(s). I am intensely sensitive to being picked on or laughed at, but in most cases hide it so as to function around others.
I am not very verbally affectionate, I express myself more via physical and sexual affection, and again take great pains to try not to overwhelm others with it. I am terrible at flirting and banter. I am very good at discarding people I find no longer healthy for me. I am unusually independent and value my individuality above almost all else. I'm not very trustworthy except where I absolutely am.
I am controlling, mostly of myself but also of those who will let me be (that I care about). I always want/need too much from people I care for. I am not much of a talker, much more a listener. I hate confrontation and do not handle it well. I am a sucker for genuine-seeming compliments and actions. I've always been one to push myself too hard.
I view gifts of flowers with distrust, but still love to get them. I am very protective of the few people I let matter to me. I've got an oh so common weakness for kittens. I get a feeling of validation in my relationships from PDAs that I can't get with private affection. I detest anything that makes me feel like a "mommy" to someone or something. I always feel I can do something better myself except where I'm sure there's no way I should be doing it at all.
I have little patience for anything I see as immaturity or cruelty. I really wish I could have a dog. I torture myself imagining horrible what-ifs of my spouse or cat dying. I love being in the hospital, and while I usually cite the smell and sheets and my medical/objectification kinks, it also is likely tied to it being the only time I feel safe/justified to need taking care of.
I'm still afraid of octopus attacks and the swiggly life on ocean reefs, but at the same time love snorkeling. I don't think I have a favorite food. In fact, I'm not sure I can narrow anything down to a single favorite something besides Chael being my favorite person. My "favorite color" isn't actually my favorite color (story behind this). I love to dance though I'm sure I look foolish when doing so. I have a very dry word-and-wit-based sense of humor and tend to come off very dorky when I attempt to be otherwise funny.
I'm a traveler by nature and don't see myself settling down anywhere until my 50s, if then.
And while rather quiet in real life, I am obnoxiously verbose in type.
I am inherently selfish. I am incredibly self-centered and ego-centric. I am extremely introverted. I am highly possessive and in many areas very uptight. I am a slut. I rarely care about anyone other than myself, but when I do I tend to care too much. I am clinically hypersexual and have to work hard to not overwhelm my partner(s). I am intensely sensitive to being picked on or laughed at, but in most cases hide it so as to function around others.
I am not very verbally affectionate, I express myself more via physical and sexual affection, and again take great pains to try not to overwhelm others with it. I am terrible at flirting and banter. I am very good at discarding people I find no longer healthy for me. I am unusually independent and value my individuality above almost all else. I'm not very trustworthy except where I absolutely am.
I am controlling, mostly of myself but also of those who will let me be (that I care about). I always want/need too much from people I care for. I am not much of a talker, much more a listener. I hate confrontation and do not handle it well. I am a sucker for genuine-seeming compliments and actions. I've always been one to push myself too hard.
I view gifts of flowers with distrust, but still love to get them. I am very protective of the few people I let matter to me. I've got an oh so common weakness for kittens. I get a feeling of validation in my relationships from PDAs that I can't get with private affection. I detest anything that makes me feel like a "mommy" to someone or something. I always feel I can do something better myself except where I'm sure there's no way I should be doing it at all.
I have little patience for anything I see as immaturity or cruelty. I really wish I could have a dog. I torture myself imagining horrible what-ifs of my spouse or cat dying. I love being in the hospital, and while I usually cite the smell and sheets and my medical/objectification kinks, it also is likely tied to it being the only time I feel safe/justified to need taking care of.
I'm still afraid of octopus attacks and the swiggly life on ocean reefs, but at the same time love snorkeling. I don't think I have a favorite food. In fact, I'm not sure I can narrow anything down to a single favorite something besides Chael being my favorite person. My "favorite color" isn't actually my favorite color (story behind this). I love to dance though I'm sure I look foolish when doing so. I have a very dry word-and-wit-based sense of humor and tend to come off very dorky when I attempt to be otherwise funny.
I'm a traveler by nature and don't see myself settling down anywhere until my 50s, if then.
And while rather quiet in real life, I am obnoxiously verbose in type.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Ouch.
Have a couple of friends I've spent a lot of time with over the past year, about. Thought it had progressed to a "more than friends" situation, I considered them to be polyamorous partners of mine. Just found I'm considered a "fwb" partner of theirs.
Ouch.
Hoping we're having a misunderstanding and that I didn't make the mistake of coming to care too much for them.
Sent them both a text about it yesterday night, very late, when I saw the status they'd put me as. Haven't heard anything back yet. Ugh, I hate waiting and at the same time don't want to have any conversation about feelings. No win.
Ouch.
Hoping we're having a misunderstanding and that I didn't make the mistake of coming to care too much for them.
Sent them both a text about it yesterday night, very late, when I saw the status they'd put me as. Haven't heard anything back yet. Ugh, I hate waiting and at the same time don't want to have any conversation about feelings. No win.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
omg omg omg
Late tomorrow night/Sunday morning. He's coming home then, the website update says.
My husband, lover, slave, bottom, top, best friend.
Four days together and then months of him being just a few hours away... him coming up for weekends, me going down there for weekends, random visits during the weeks, upcoming 2 weeks of block leave then more leave for our anniversary, phone calls and text messages and yim messages when he is just a few hours away...
So excited.
Wearing myself out with it. Am gonna nap shortly, if I'm able to, because all the excitement and waiting is making me crash and tired.
Will take an Ambien tonight to make sure I sleep, I think... don't wanna drive down to Ft. Hood late tomorrow night while over-tired.
Texted LadyHillary about maybe hanging out tonight and tomorrow over there to help the time pass less slowly. Not sure if they're up for company or not, we'll see.
Am.so.excited.
Think I'll put in a movie or some House on the DVR and curl up on the couch and see if I can sleep.
Omg, I just wish today and tomorrow were done.
My husband, lover, slave, bottom, top, best friend.
Four days together and then months of him being just a few hours away... him coming up for weekends, me going down there for weekends, random visits during the weeks, upcoming 2 weeks of block leave then more leave for our anniversary, phone calls and text messages and yim messages when he is just a few hours away...
So excited.
Wearing myself out with it. Am gonna nap shortly, if I'm able to, because all the excitement and waiting is making me crash and tired.
Will take an Ambien tonight to make sure I sleep, I think... don't wanna drive down to Ft. Hood late tomorrow night while over-tired.
Texted LadyHillary about maybe hanging out tonight and tomorrow over there to help the time pass less slowly. Not sure if they're up for company or not, we'll see.
Am.so.excited.
Think I'll put in a movie or some House on the DVR and curl up on the couch and see if I can sleep.
Omg, I just wish today and tomorrow were done.
2-3 Days
Counting down. Depending on what happens with flights, he will be home possibly Thursday, most likely Friday.
Soooo clooooose!!!!
Lots of love and sex and cuddle and happiness and road trip and sneaking into the barracks and going out to dinner and all kinds of being together this weekend :D
Then the plan is next weekend a switch-partner double-date with AbusablePainToy and LadyHillary. Should be a giggle-blast.
I'm so thrilled to have my honey coming home. Waitingwaitingwaitingwaitingwaiting!!!
Soooo clooooose!!!!
Lots of love and sex and cuddle and happiness and road trip and sneaking into the barracks and going out to dinner and all kinds of being together this weekend :D
Then the plan is next weekend a switch-partner double-date with AbusablePainToy and LadyHillary. Should be a giggle-blast.
I'm so thrilled to have my honey coming home. Waitingwaitingwaitingwaitingwaiting!!!
6 Days and So Excited
Chael's coming home!!!! I'm officially at the point where I'm getting excited and antsy about it. I don't tend to until it gets right up to before something special/important happens.
But it's less than a week now and I'm getting that way. Still no 100% solid word but still planned return for the 28th. I'll drive down that morning and be utterly bored until time to meet him. Hopefully I'll get better word about what time of day that should be so I don't spend hours trying to amuse myself around Killeen and Ft. Hood, waiting.
But he's coming home!
Oh, and I warn a lot of the next few days updates and conversations with me will go this way. I get rather super-focused on things I'm excited about and have a hard time focusing on anything else, as I'm sure most if not all of you out there experience yourselves.
Husband cuddles and holding hands and kisses and twirls and dips in the grocery store and all kinds of sex and arguing over science shows and watching movies playing 6-degrees to choose the next one and showing him what i think are funny or cute internet things and having him wait on me and reading or playing online next to each other comfortably and just plain being around each other again!!!
Not just for 2 weeks but for months!!!
That first hug and hand-holding when I see him that first moment he's free...
I don't tend to miss him much when he's gone because I function very well on my own. I think of him and miss him here and there if something comes up I'd like to tell him or show him, but it's no constant ache. I love him and he's mine and he'll be back, so I enjoy my time on my own and will enjoy my time wiht him when he's here. That simple for me.
So I don't live his deployments (or any of our other times apart) in any great funk or anything.
I just so very much enjoy when he is around. :)
My honey is coming home next week. Woohoo!
But it's less than a week now and I'm getting that way. Still no 100% solid word but still planned return for the 28th. I'll drive down that morning and be utterly bored until time to meet him. Hopefully I'll get better word about what time of day that should be so I don't spend hours trying to amuse myself around Killeen and Ft. Hood, waiting.
But he's coming home!
Oh, and I warn a lot of the next few days updates and conversations with me will go this way. I get rather super-focused on things I'm excited about and have a hard time focusing on anything else, as I'm sure most if not all of you out there experience yourselves.
Husband cuddles and holding hands and kisses and twirls and dips in the grocery store and all kinds of sex and arguing over science shows and watching movies playing 6-degrees to choose the next one and showing him what i think are funny or cute internet things and having him wait on me and reading or playing online next to each other comfortably and just plain being around each other again!!!
Not just for 2 weeks but for months!!!
That first hug and hand-holding when I see him that first moment he's free...
I don't tend to miss him much when he's gone because I function very well on my own. I think of him and miss him here and there if something comes up I'd like to tell him or show him, but it's no constant ache. I love him and he's mine and he'll be back, so I enjoy my time on my own and will enjoy my time wiht him when he's here. That simple for me.
So I don't live his deployments (or any of our other times apart) in any great funk or anything.
I just so very much enjoy when he is around. :)
My honey is coming home next week. Woohoo!
Feeling Down
I have a lot of conflicting things going on in my life right now that I don't feel comfortable talking about here. Not that all are negative, not at all, but rather that I have gone and gotten myself too full an emotional and time filled plate again.
I've been having fun with friends, looking forward to Chael coming home, avoiding loving some people, avoiding sex with others, giving myself "the horrids" over Chael coming home (worrying that since things have gone so well this deployment that now he's coming home something horrible will happen), crying in bed alone over military traumas, addressing a personality change that I'm only just becoming aware of and haven't decided my feelings on yet, planning how to deal with my mother's next little comment, being happy about how many want to play with me but also overwhelmed, planning a dallas-killeen-houston-killeen-dallas trip in combination with my spouse coming home, prepping emotionally for the fact that I have agreed to go to an Army mandatory-for-Chael ceremony which is sure to trigger me some on top of just plain being dull as fuck, noticing and stressing over a minor change in a friend's behavior, still haven't gone grocery shopping but should, and just generally making big things out of little things.
I'm leading into one of those personal implosions. Too many little things mixed with a few big things and I am starting to feel like just cancelling everything and hiding for a while.
But I have both small and large obligations to keep to. Bleh.
I'm sure you, the reader, have had plenty of these days. No one thing wrong, just too much (moostly good) things going on and stressing out.
Gonna text LadyHillary and see if she's working. I think she is, but if not maybe we'll hang out. I need some relax with relaxed friends time.
I've been having fun with friends, looking forward to Chael coming home, avoiding loving some people, avoiding sex with others, giving myself "the horrids" over Chael coming home (worrying that since things have gone so well this deployment that now he's coming home something horrible will happen), crying in bed alone over military traumas, addressing a personality change that I'm only just becoming aware of and haven't decided my feelings on yet, planning how to deal with my mother's next little comment, being happy about how many want to play with me but also overwhelmed, planning a dallas-killeen-houston-killeen-dallas trip in combination with my spouse coming home, prepping emotionally for the fact that I have agreed to go to an Army mandatory-for-Chael ceremony which is sure to trigger me some on top of just plain being dull as fuck, noticing and stressing over a minor change in a friend's behavior, still haven't gone grocery shopping but should, and just generally making big things out of little things.
I'm leading into one of those personal implosions. Too many little things mixed with a few big things and I am starting to feel like just cancelling everything and hiding for a while.
But I have both small and large obligations to keep to. Bleh.
I'm sure you, the reader, have had plenty of these days. No one thing wrong, just too much (moostly good) things going on and stressing out.
Gonna text LadyHillary and see if she's working. I think she is, but if not maybe we'll hang out. I need some relax with relaxed friends time.
Best Compliments Evar
So voicechatted with Chael tonight and told him about some of the discussions I've been having here on Fetlife and running my perceptions of our relationship by him to get his input on his own.
This led to him wandering a bit from the main discussion point to giving me some of the most touching comments I (as a narcissist) have ever received. As close to his wording as possible:
"Drawing short of actually deifying you, you are my spiritual leader and the culmination of all that is good in the world"
Exact quotes:
"I don't worry about sinning against God; I worry about sinning against you"
"You are my conscience, my spiritual guide, and my Buddhist teacher".
"You have ruined me for other people. No one can compare to you. You have set an impossible standard and everyone else falls short."
...mixed in with other sweetnesses and frankly stated views of me that were all of humbling, overwhelming and touching.
Along with "Speaking of sin, I'm looking forward to some of that when I get home". lol.
10 days.
This led to him wandering a bit from the main discussion point to giving me some of the most touching comments I (as a narcissist) have ever received. As close to his wording as possible:
"Drawing short of actually deifying you, you are my spiritual leader and the culmination of all that is good in the world"
Exact quotes:
"I don't worry about sinning against God; I worry about sinning against you"
"You are my conscience, my spiritual guide, and my Buddhist teacher".
"You have ruined me for other people. No one can compare to you. You have set an impossible standard and everyone else falls short."
...mixed in with other sweetnesses and frankly stated views of me that were all of humbling, overwhelming and touching.
Along with "Speaking of sin, I'm looking forward to some of that when I get home". lol.
10 days.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Today
Was a good day. Mostly, as far as actions go,at least.
I went to Smooth Solutions for a consultation and my first laser hair removal session (underarms). The people were friendly and it wasn't particularly painful... definitely not compared to other stuff I do, hair and not-hair related.
That damn cold gel they put on first was the worst part! lol.
Later Redeye42011 and -Lily- came over for a while and I put needles into Redeye with help from Lily. It was a nice little visit and playtime. :)
After they left I tinkered around a bit and then started getting some top drop... feeling melancholy and tired. So, I got myself around and went to yoga to see if that would stall it off. Yoga was rough tonight after such a big day but I did pretty good despite it. Unfortunately it didn't end my drop it just postponed it til afterward.
So, I spent some time laying down reading a book and generally doing comfort-cuddling by myself with the tv on.
As I said, the doings of the day were good and happy.
Unhappy, as some of my friends know already, is the state of my Jonesy cat. He's puking, not eating, and acting standoffish and old... when a few days ago you would've thought he was still only a year or 2 old; usually is bright eyed, runs around playing and chasing things, purrs if you so much as look at him, follows me around the house and curls up on me whenever I am still for a minute. Now there is something very wrong and the doc doesn't know what it is. I take him in tomorrow morning for another checkup to see if they can figure it out.
He and my spouse are really the only close family I have and have had for the past decade+. It was horrible losing Pixel last year, now I think Jonesy only has days left unless something changes. I won't be at AllCon much after all, I don't wanna be away from home if he dies.
So most everything planned for this weekend is off unless the vet has some new magic meds for him... I'm hoping they'll have some stronger anti-nausea meds for him than what I've been giving him now and he'll start to eat. We'll see.
I went to Smooth Solutions for a consultation and my first laser hair removal session (underarms). The people were friendly and it wasn't particularly painful... definitely not compared to other stuff I do, hair and not-hair related.
That damn cold gel they put on first was the worst part! lol.
Later Redeye42011 and -Lily- came over for a while and I put needles into Redeye with help from Lily. It was a nice little visit and playtime. :)
After they left I tinkered around a bit and then started getting some top drop... feeling melancholy and tired. So, I got myself around and went to yoga to see if that would stall it off. Yoga was rough tonight after such a big day but I did pretty good despite it. Unfortunately it didn't end my drop it just postponed it til afterward.
So, I spent some time laying down reading a book and generally doing comfort-cuddling by myself with the tv on.
As I said, the doings of the day were good and happy.
Unhappy, as some of my friends know already, is the state of my Jonesy cat. He's puking, not eating, and acting standoffish and old... when a few days ago you would've thought he was still only a year or 2 old; usually is bright eyed, runs around playing and chasing things, purrs if you so much as look at him, follows me around the house and curls up on me whenever I am still for a minute. Now there is something very wrong and the doc doesn't know what it is. I take him in tomorrow morning for another checkup to see if they can figure it out.
He and my spouse are really the only close family I have and have had for the past decade+. It was horrible losing Pixel last year, now I think Jonesy only has days left unless something changes. I won't be at AllCon much after all, I don't wanna be away from home if he dies.
So most everything planned for this weekend is off unless the vet has some new magic meds for him... I'm hoping they'll have some stronger anti-nausea meds for him than what I've been giving him now and he'll start to eat. We'll see.
Monday, March 8, 2010
yoga
Did a regular class today instead of waiting to do the other Intro class later at night. Was good. I didn't have to lay down at all, but did have to modify a lot of the postures.
But that's okay, I'm a newbie.
I got through it well, got a good workout and accomplished being there despite some anxiety.
I can feel it in my arms and just below my breastbone. Feeling a bit tired now, about 4 hours later. Should sleep good again tonight.
Drinking lots of water.
Jennifer from Sunstone left me a message checking up on me and offering any help she can give. She seems very nice.
Tomorrow I'm planning to go to the Intro A class since this one is in the morning and it should be a bit lighter, like the B class, than the regular classes; my body needs a lighter day to recup.
Heard a lot of joint popping in me today during class. Arms and back.
Feet were cramping a lot, too, during the standing poses. It's going to take a while for them to get stronger and to realign from the damage done from the surgeries. It kept interfering with me otherwise doing them, but that's going to be part of my physical journey and I expected to have foot issues so it's no surprise. I just look forward to when my feet get stronger and my balance on them gets better :)
Lying down inside the room before class today was a bit hard... maybe the hardest part of the whole time there! I was trying to relax and let the heat sink into me before class started and I kept having the problem I have meditating where my breathing stops and I have to re-start it... only when I'd restart the humidity and heat of the room would make me feel like I was drowning and couldn't get air. It was a similar sensation to being waterboarded (for those wondering, yes, I've experienced it).
Once I got up and was moving in class and no longer having my breath stop anymore the problem went away. It was just panicky during that pre-class time.
I guess what it comes down to is that I need to get my ass in gear and remember to keep that little part of me up on a high enough level when relaxing/meditating to keep my breathing going... I always forget and have to make adjustments *after* it happens a time or three. It's a flaw in my meditation that I need to work through.
On a totally different subject, should be having at least one friend over this week to play; probably with needles. Maybe two, if schedules work out alright. Yays for making friends.
But that's okay, I'm a newbie.
I got through it well, got a good workout and accomplished being there despite some anxiety.
I can feel it in my arms and just below my breastbone. Feeling a bit tired now, about 4 hours later. Should sleep good again tonight.
Drinking lots of water.
Jennifer from Sunstone left me a message checking up on me and offering any help she can give. She seems very nice.
Tomorrow I'm planning to go to the Intro A class since this one is in the morning and it should be a bit lighter, like the B class, than the regular classes; my body needs a lighter day to recup.
Heard a lot of joint popping in me today during class. Arms and back.
Feet were cramping a lot, too, during the standing poses. It's going to take a while for them to get stronger and to realign from the damage done from the surgeries. It kept interfering with me otherwise doing them, but that's going to be part of my physical journey and I expected to have foot issues so it's no surprise. I just look forward to when my feet get stronger and my balance on them gets better :)
Lying down inside the room before class today was a bit hard... maybe the hardest part of the whole time there! I was trying to relax and let the heat sink into me before class started and I kept having the problem I have meditating where my breathing stops and I have to re-start it... only when I'd restart the humidity and heat of the room would make me feel like I was drowning and couldn't get air. It was a similar sensation to being waterboarded (for those wondering, yes, I've experienced it).
Once I got up and was moving in class and no longer having my breath stop anymore the problem went away. It was just panicky during that pre-class time.
I guess what it comes down to is that I need to get my ass in gear and remember to keep that little part of me up on a high enough level when relaxing/meditating to keep my breathing going... I always forget and have to make adjustments *after* it happens a time or three. It's a flaw in my meditation that I need to work through.
On a totally different subject, should be having at least one friend over this week to play; probably with needles. Maybe two, if schedules work out alright. Yays for making friends.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
First day of yoga
First day of yoga and I'm feeling it. Sweated my butt off, worked all kinds of muscles, and managed to do all the postures (some modified) without needing a break. I'm doing "hot yoga" at Sunstone Yoga near my house.
Theravada and yoga
I've long had a bit of a following to the basic Buddhist beliefs, as well as being Christian, but some things Chael said got me thinking some more about it. So I started looking into it and at this point it seems I've long been a Theravada Buddhist without realizing it. I'm not tied to that "diagnosis" yet, as there is so very much to read and find out, but so far in my learnings that seems the case. So I'm turning my study towards Theravada and ordering some books on it and such to see if that's right and trying, in general, to align myself even more with the "Buddhist Basics" of the Four Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path and the Five Precepts.
Today is an Uposatha (observance day, quarter moon) and for Theravada Buddhists that points towards following the Eight Precepts for the day. I am trying this. We'll see how well I do at maintaining them.
Also, on taking Jonesy to the vet the other day I found that almost next door to the vet a new Sunstone Yoga studio opened up -so it's quite near my house. I signed up for their introductory "10 days of yoga for $10" deal and am going to my first intro class in a few minutes.
I always love yoga when I practice it, but I never maintain a long, solid practice. I'm going to try again... my biggest problem is my social anxiety. I start out okay and then it builds up to where I can't handle going to whatever place I've been going to (yoga or other). I'm again working to do my best against this.
Went to the new tiny and cheap salon near my house and got my mohawk back. Wednesday they are putting in longer strips of purple and pink to set off the purple and blue coloring I have right now in it.
Time to go.
Today is an Uposatha (observance day, quarter moon) and for Theravada Buddhists that points towards following the Eight Precepts for the day. I am trying this. We'll see how well I do at maintaining them.
Also, on taking Jonesy to the vet the other day I found that almost next door to the vet a new Sunstone Yoga studio opened up -so it's quite near my house. I signed up for their introductory "10 days of yoga for $10" deal and am going to my first intro class in a few minutes.
I always love yoga when I practice it, but I never maintain a long, solid practice. I'm going to try again... my biggest problem is my social anxiety. I start out okay and then it builds up to where I can't handle going to whatever place I've been going to (yoga or other). I'm again working to do my best against this.
Went to the new tiny and cheap salon near my house and got my mohawk back. Wednesday they are putting in longer strips of purple and pink to set off the purple and blue coloring I have right now in it.
Time to go.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Pinup girl and lotus
Two more recent temporary cuttings done on Chael:
There is also video of me doing the pinup cutting available on YouTube and also on my Fetlife Page.
There is also video of me doing the pinup cutting available on YouTube and also on my Fetlife Page.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Occlusion, supplies, Chael and friends
So, with the tax return money I've been sorting and organizing my bedroom closet and making my bedroom into a playroom (since I never used it as a bedroom anyways). This includes a lot of buying of supplies, cheap furniture, and having to find a solution to the Stuffed Animal Problem.
As I've said in past posts, the room and closet are coming along nicely. I'm very pleased with the progress made.
I've ordered a lot of supplies for my sharps work and been learning the new stuff I get... for example, I bought a new topical anesthetic which *said* it didn't need to be occluded to work. Liars. Just like Emla, Super T needs to be occluded for about 1.5 hrs before deadening occurs properly.
Frustrating. But! In my purchasing I found some occlusive medical tape/wrap that will solve the occluding issue (it's always a pain in the ass when you have to do an area larger than 5X5 or so).
I also got some anesthetics for use on open incisions and also some with vasoconstrictors to reduce/stop bleeding. Chael bleeds like a stuck pig when we cut so I found these needful.
I have another adorable red sparkle and steel box coming like the one I already have. I'm trying to get it so that everything for a single scene will fit in the smallest amount of baggage possible and the first box holds almost everything I need. A second will easily cover the few items that don't fit and all will be in a small, tidy, neatly organized space. Much better than having to dig through my whole sharps bag for the things I need...
Will still need to bring the larger bag for my extra needles and such when doing larger or multiple scenes, but for one regular one I just pull out two red boxes and a sharps container and I'm ready to go now!
Lots of other smaller things purchased to make my playroom sharps-play friendly (more Technicare, a Purell dispenser, new containers for my hat pin ends, more sharps containers since mine are getting full, etc.).
Also, unrelated, I bought a gorgeous purple pair of vegan steel-toed boots. Growr.
Chael gave me his cold and fever. He got well and last night it hit ME. I've been using Zicam, Claritin, homeopathics, and guzzling orange juice (which kept me up all night peeing). I'm feeling a bit better already, though, so it seems to be working.
We've otherwise been having a great time. Hung out with LadyHillary and AbusePainToy the other night for a bit and also had dinner together, been running errands and putting my playroom to rights, visited his mom in Houston for a day, and done a lot of laying around cuddling and sexing.
It's been a wonderful time on his leave. Today is Chael's birthday, tonight we go out to see Henry Rollins perform his spoken word at the nearby Lakewood Theater.
Tomorrow night I'm leaving him home alone for a little bit (he doesn't mind, he'll just snooze and play video games) to go see MsKitty and BoiJen at the SPLF mixer. I'm very excited, it's been a while since we've all seen each other what with states between us.
Also, took on a new bottom, Redeye42011. We have played a couple times and been chatting it up on text nearly constantly. We seem to be a good fit and get along quite well. I'm excited about this, too.
I'm still seriously considering the porn thing, just everything is on hold at the moment as I focus this time on Chael and me. So if you're interested in being in or helping with creating, please talk to me! So far, I've a couple of partners in crime but we could use more folks who are happy, good energy, that we know and will make it a fun experience.
But I'll start being serious about that and other things in another week or so, after I'm home alone again. (Chael can't participate due to his job so no working on it til he's gone)
Jonesy cat is on all kinds of meds to keep him eating. He has kidney disease and has to get sub-cu fluids twice a week and be given Pepcid, Mirtazipine and liquid Valium whenever he stops eating to get him started again. But despite all this, he acts perfectly fine... not at all like a sick kitty. So I just keep taking care of him and he keeps being his kittenish self, despite his 13 years.
Anyway, this has gotten long. The End.
As I've said in past posts, the room and closet are coming along nicely. I'm very pleased with the progress made.
I've ordered a lot of supplies for my sharps work and been learning the new stuff I get... for example, I bought a new topical anesthetic which *said* it didn't need to be occluded to work. Liars. Just like Emla, Super T needs to be occluded for about 1.5 hrs before deadening occurs properly.
Frustrating. But! In my purchasing I found some occlusive medical tape/wrap that will solve the occluding issue (it's always a pain in the ass when you have to do an area larger than 5X5 or so).
I also got some anesthetics for use on open incisions and also some with vasoconstrictors to reduce/stop bleeding. Chael bleeds like a stuck pig when we cut so I found these needful.
I have another adorable red sparkle and steel box coming like the one I already have. I'm trying to get it so that everything for a single scene will fit in the smallest amount of baggage possible and the first box holds almost everything I need. A second will easily cover the few items that don't fit and all will be in a small, tidy, neatly organized space. Much better than having to dig through my whole sharps bag for the things I need...
Will still need to bring the larger bag for my extra needles and such when doing larger or multiple scenes, but for one regular one I just pull out two red boxes and a sharps container and I'm ready to go now!
Lots of other smaller things purchased to make my playroom sharps-play friendly (more Technicare, a Purell dispenser, new containers for my hat pin ends, more sharps containers since mine are getting full, etc.).
Also, unrelated, I bought a gorgeous purple pair of vegan steel-toed boots. Growr.
Chael gave me his cold and fever. He got well and last night it hit ME. I've been using Zicam, Claritin, homeopathics, and guzzling orange juice (which kept me up all night peeing). I'm feeling a bit better already, though, so it seems to be working.
We've otherwise been having a great time. Hung out with LadyHillary and AbusePainToy the other night for a bit and also had dinner together, been running errands and putting my playroom to rights, visited his mom in Houston for a day, and done a lot of laying around cuddling and sexing.
It's been a wonderful time on his leave. Today is Chael's birthday, tonight we go out to see Henry Rollins perform his spoken word at the nearby Lakewood Theater.
Tomorrow night I'm leaving him home alone for a little bit (he doesn't mind, he'll just snooze and play video games) to go see MsKitty and BoiJen at the SPLF mixer. I'm very excited, it's been a while since we've all seen each other what with states between us.
Also, took on a new bottom, Redeye42011. We have played a couple times and been chatting it up on text nearly constantly. We seem to be a good fit and get along quite well. I'm excited about this, too.
I'm still seriously considering the porn thing, just everything is on hold at the moment as I focus this time on Chael and me. So if you're interested in being in or helping with creating, please talk to me! So far, I've a couple of partners in crime but we could use more folks who are happy, good energy, that we know and will make it a fun experience.
But I'll start being serious about that and other things in another week or so, after I'm home alone again. (Chael can't participate due to his job so no working on it til he's gone)
Jonesy cat is on all kinds of meds to keep him eating. He has kidney disease and has to get sub-cu fluids twice a week and be given Pepcid, Mirtazipine and liquid Valium whenever he stops eating to get him started again. But despite all this, he acts perfectly fine... not at all like a sick kitty. So I just keep taking care of him and he keeps being his kittenish self, despite his 13 years.
Anyway, this has gotten long. The End.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Buddhist thunderbolt
Am having a wonderful relaxed time with Chael while he's home on leave. We've done a lot of fun and practical things.
It's destroying my sleep schedule, though, lol. I've had one hour of sleep and now am awake again while he snores away. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to bed soon and pass back out. We'll see.
We've done 3 cuttings on him so far and here is a picture of the most recent:
Tomorrow we put together cheap furniture and my suspension rack in my bedroom. I'm wondering how it's gonna fit (I know it will fit, but how well and how overwhelming it is is a worry).
It's destroying my sleep schedule, though, lol. I've had one hour of sleep and now am awake again while he snores away. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to bed soon and pass back out. We'll see.
We've done 3 cuttings on him so far and here is a picture of the most recent:
Tomorrow we put together cheap furniture and my suspension rack in my bedroom. I'm wondering how it's gonna fit (I know it will fit, but how well and how overwhelming it is is a worry).
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Mohawk and completely random stuff
I miss my mohawk. A couple of times now I've had to stop myself from shaving my head again to one.
But, I have plans for a little bit longer hair and it's too cold right now for bare scalp, anyhow (for me, at least).
But, again, darnit I liked how I looked and felt with it. So, tentative plan is to keep growing out my hair and fiddling with it, then go back to the mohawk when the heat here sets in... because I *really* can't handle all this hair during the heat after knowing how comfy having it cut off was.
And by then, the sides and back will be nice and long for my mohawk.
Yes, I'm a little punchy about now. I am so tired.
Only 2 more days til Chael starts looking for a plane flight!!!
Oh, and I found a site online that sells nighties, pvc, and stockings for bigger girls so I plan on getting some stockings soon (a few pair as I rip them like nobody's business) and maybe a cute PVC shirt or jacket or something.
Also, I bought some swatches of vegan "leather" for Quin to look at and see if he can make me some gear out of the stuff (I already have a wristband made of it that is rather basic but nice). I'd like to start switching over my BDSM gear to vegan-friendly stuff.
I'll keep my leather goods I already own, of course, and use them til they fall apart; then, I'll replace items with preferred alternatives one by one. But, it would be nice to get some paddles and collars and cuffs and such made now.
Heck, I may have him teach me very basic sewing of (faux) leather so that I can make more fashion accessories like my bracelet. I need a few loooooooong belts of various looks and I can't find any in the sizes I want (I want them long enough to sling around my hips loosely, not go around my waist).
Ooooooo, and I found some pretend-leather airborne style boots and a couple other higher-calf styles at veganessentials.com that look yummy. But that'll be a while before I purchase any of them as they are Expensive!
Also, Chael's and my tax refund is quite good this year and my half will be going towards finishing organizing my closet and bedroom (not much money needed there, but tax return makes it easier) and then getting some microdermals or/and a tattoo. Maybe instead of the tattoo I'll see Lady Shivers about branding the skull and crossbones on my leg that I want... Decisions...
I'm rambling again due to the tiredness. Just trying to stay awake. Shutting up now.
But, I have plans for a little bit longer hair and it's too cold right now for bare scalp, anyhow (for me, at least).
But, again, darnit I liked how I looked and felt with it. So, tentative plan is to keep growing out my hair and fiddling with it, then go back to the mohawk when the heat here sets in... because I *really* can't handle all this hair during the heat after knowing how comfy having it cut off was.
And by then, the sides and back will be nice and long for my mohawk.
Yes, I'm a little punchy about now. I am so tired.
Only 2 more days til Chael starts looking for a plane flight!!!
Oh, and I found a site online that sells nighties, pvc, and stockings for bigger girls so I plan on getting some stockings soon (a few pair as I rip them like nobody's business) and maybe a cute PVC shirt or jacket or something.
Also, I bought some swatches of vegan "leather" for Quin to look at and see if he can make me some gear out of the stuff (I already have a wristband made of it that is rather basic but nice). I'd like to start switching over my BDSM gear to vegan-friendly stuff.
I'll keep my leather goods I already own, of course, and use them til they fall apart; then, I'll replace items with preferred alternatives one by one. But, it would be nice to get some paddles and collars and cuffs and such made now.
Heck, I may have him teach me very basic sewing of (faux) leather so that I can make more fashion accessories like my bracelet. I need a few loooooooong belts of various looks and I can't find any in the sizes I want (I want them long enough to sling around my hips loosely, not go around my waist).
Ooooooo, and I found some pretend-leather airborne style boots and a couple other higher-calf styles at veganessentials.com that look yummy. But that'll be a while before I purchase any of them as they are Expensive!
Also, Chael's and my tax refund is quite good this year and my half will be going towards finishing organizing my closet and bedroom (not much money needed there, but tax return makes it easier) and then getting some microdermals or/and a tattoo. Maybe instead of the tattoo I'll see Lady Shivers about branding the skull and crossbones on my leg that I want... Decisions...
I'm rambling again due to the tiredness. Just trying to stay awake. Shutting up now.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Needle Planning
I've been sketching out some designs for needle work. Some will go smoothly, some ideas I had to dump (at least til I can find a better way for them).
I enjoy working with feathers, flowers, beads, et cetera but am focusing more, currently, on the shapes allowable by the needles themselves. Geometrics, swirls, etc. All the variety that can be done with little straight lines lol.
Also if anyone has used Super T Deadener I would love to hear reviews. Does it need to be occluded, like Emla, or no? I can't find anything that says and I'm hoping __not___. It would make life so much easier.
I don't usually use skin deadeners for needle or scalpel play, but on some bottoms or when planning to do many, many needles or cuts it's helpful; the bottom last longer because they don't feel most of it. Not useful when they __want__ the pain, but very handy when art is the goal and not sensation.
I'm also considering using needles for their after-marks. Where the design of the needles themselves isn't important or the goal, but how the wounds look after they're removed. I'll have to think on this some more...
And I got a whole bunch of supplies this month, so I'm happy. Gauze by the pound, a few hundred needles, a new organization box, several staplers... lots of goodness. So now I have my pack full and also have some storage backup in my Sharps/Mods Shelves in my bedroom.
I enjoy working with feathers, flowers, beads, et cetera but am focusing more, currently, on the shapes allowable by the needles themselves. Geometrics, swirls, etc. All the variety that can be done with little straight lines lol.
Also if anyone has used Super T Deadener I would love to hear reviews. Does it need to be occluded, like Emla, or no? I can't find anything that says and I'm hoping __not___. It would make life so much easier.
I don't usually use skin deadeners for needle or scalpel play, but on some bottoms or when planning to do many, many needles or cuts it's helpful; the bottom last longer because they don't feel most of it. Not useful when they __want__ the pain, but very handy when art is the goal and not sensation.
I'm also considering using needles for their after-marks. Where the design of the needles themselves isn't important or the goal, but how the wounds look after they're removed. I'll have to think on this some more...
And I got a whole bunch of supplies this month, so I'm happy. Gauze by the pound, a few hundred needles, a new organization box, several staplers... lots of goodness. So now I have my pack full and also have some storage backup in my Sharps/Mods Shelves in my bedroom.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
February looking forwards
February seems like it'll be a good month for me. I have 4 potential play partners for sharps, 2 good friends coming in to visit while at SPLF, 1 slavegirl moving to the area that I'm going to see if we clique, and biggest and best: Chael is coming home for mid-deployment leave.
So good things.
So good things.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Update
So it's been a couple of months. Both very little and very much has happened, depending on how the time is looked at.
I've spent a lot of time at home just chilling with my cat, as usual.
I've been taking my medicines really well and telling a difference by them.
I've spent 2 weeks visiting my parents in upstate NY.
I've started painting again.
I received a Wii and Wii Fit Plus board bundle for an early, early birthday present from Chael.
I've gotten my house mostly sorted.
I went out drinking with my sister for New Years Eve for the first time (she took me to a couple local bars that I was still too young to go to when I left home).
I've attended several BDSM social events in the area, including Bound & Determined II, but mostly just weekly and weekend get-togethers. Last Saturday night I was painted on with tempera paint by a friend at an event focused around such things. Lazy fun... then a Very Chilly shower afterwards because the hot water only sort of works at the club.
I don't recall if I mentioned this in earlier journals, but my packer (Mr. Softy Small (I also bought a medium but it was too long for my preferences) arrived and I've enjoyed wearing it -and sometimes my corset at the same time.
I'm sure more exciting things have occurred, but I'm blanking now that I'm in front of the computer.
My ears healed up beautifully from the scalpeling. They are both at 3/4".
Jonesy lost 2 pounds for no known reason (been acting and seeming to eat just fine), but now that I'm back from visiting my mom (while he was kenneled with his vet and eating fine there, they said) he's not eating much here... I'm keeping an eye on the food bowl and worrying a little, but not much yet.
It freakin' cold here, too.
I've spent a lot of time at home just chilling with my cat, as usual.
I've been taking my medicines really well and telling a difference by them.
I've spent 2 weeks visiting my parents in upstate NY.
I've started painting again.
I received a Wii and Wii Fit Plus board bundle for an early, early birthday present from Chael.
I've gotten my house mostly sorted.
I went out drinking with my sister for New Years Eve for the first time (she took me to a couple local bars that I was still too young to go to when I left home).
I've attended several BDSM social events in the area, including Bound & Determined II, but mostly just weekly and weekend get-togethers. Last Saturday night I was painted on with tempera paint by a friend at an event focused around such things. Lazy fun... then a Very Chilly shower afterwards because the hot water only sort of works at the club.
I don't recall if I mentioned this in earlier journals, but my packer (Mr. Softy Small (I also bought a medium but it was too long for my preferences) arrived and I've enjoyed wearing it -and sometimes my corset at the same time.
I'm sure more exciting things have occurred, but I'm blanking now that I'm in front of the computer.
My ears healed up beautifully from the scalpeling. They are both at 3/4".
Jonesy lost 2 pounds for no known reason (been acting and seeming to eat just fine), but now that I'm back from visiting my mom (while he was kenneled with his vet and eating fine there, they said) he's not eating much here... I'm keeping an eye on the food bowl and worrying a little, but not much yet.
It freakin' cold here, too.
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