Morning Cuddle

Chael got home from PT at 7am.

After getting undressed and all he came into my room and expressed he wanted to cuddle. We'd missed last night's bedtime curl-up as he went to bed before 10pm and, well, I never did.

So we proceeded to have a lovely cuddle.

Our normal configuration is spooning on our right-hand side with him as the big spoon, his right arm stretched out under my pillow and holding my right hand. His and my left arms wrap around my waist.

So we're lying there relaxing, enjoying the spooning. It's a nice time of warm bodies, closeness, gentle touches, and teasing comments... Such as:

(he starts moving his legs around and pulling around the blanket)

Me: what are you doing? (wondering if he's getting up)
Him: I'm adjusting the blankets
Me: okay

(he gets the blankets how he wants and returns to spoon-position)

Him: sweaty girl
Me: I'm not sweaty, you are
Him: that's what you always say
Me: cuz it's true!
Him: then why is there sweat on you?
Me: because your touching me!!

And so after a laugh we go back to relaxing with him sometimes drawing circles on my back or running his hand down my left arm.

Then Jonesy sees what's up and decides he wants all in on the cuddle action.

Eventually we turn so I'm the big spoon.

Eventually, we get up.

And then he went and filled my tea cup again.

Thinking about me and us

Been talking a lot on the forums here lately and thinking a lot about Chael since he'll be home soon. These are some things I've long been aware of but haven't so much said here before (though they can be gleaned from my various posts, I'm sure, or if someone spends much time with me):

I am inherently selfish. I am incredibly self-centered and ego-centric. I am extremely introverted. I am highly possessive and in many areas very uptight. I am a slut. I rarely care about anyone other than myself, but when I do I tend to care too much. I am clinically hypersexual and have to work hard to not overwhelm my partner(s). I am intensely sensitive to being picked on or laughed at, but in most cases hide it so as to function around others.

I am not very verbally affectionate, I express myself more via physical and sexual affection, and again take great pains to try not to overwhelm others with it. I am terrible at flirting and banter. I am very good at discarding people I find no longer healthy for me. I am unusually independent and value my individuality above almost all else. I'm not very trustworthy except where I absolutely am.

I am controlling, mostly of myself but also of those who will let me be (that I care about). I always want/need too much from people I care for. I am not much of a talker, much more a listener. I hate confrontation and do not handle it well. I am a sucker for genuine-seeming compliments and actions. I've always been one to push myself too hard.

I view gifts of flowers with distrust, but still love to get them. I am very protective of the few people I let matter to me. I've got an oh so common weakness for kittens. I get a feeling of validation in my relationships from PDAs that I can't get with private affection. I detest anything that makes me feel like a "mommy" to someone or something. I always feel I can do something better myself except where I'm sure there's no way I should be doing it at all.

I have little patience for anything I see as immaturity or cruelty. I really wish I could have a dog. I torture myself imagining horrible what-ifs of my spouse or cat dying. I love being in the hospital, and while I usually cite the smell and sheets and my medical/objectification kinks, it also is likely tied to it being the only time I feel safe/justified to need taking care of.

I'm still afraid of octopus attacks and the swiggly life on ocean reefs, but at the same time love snorkeling. I don't think I have a favorite food. In fact, I'm not sure I can narrow anything down to a single favorite something besides Chael being my favorite person. My "favorite color" isn't actually my favorite color (story behind this). I love to dance though I'm sure I look foolish when doing so. I have a very dry word-and-wit-based sense of humor and tend to come off very dorky when I attempt to be otherwise funny.

I'm a traveler by nature and don't see myself settling down anywhere until my 50s, if then.

And while rather quiet in real life, I am obnoxiously verbose in type.

Update

So it's been a couple of months. Both very little and very much has happened, depending on how the time is looked at.

I've spent a lot of time at home just chilling with my cat, as usual.

I've been taking my medicines really well and telling a difference by them.

I've spent 2 weeks visiting my parents in upstate NY.

I've started painting again.

I received a Wii and Wii Fit Plus board bundle for an early, early birthday present from Chael.

I've gotten my house mostly sorted.

I went out drinking with my sister for New Years Eve for the first time (she took me to a couple local bars that I was still too young to go to when I left home).

I've attended several BDSM social events in the area, including Bound & Determined II, but mostly just weekly and weekend get-togethers. Last Saturday night I was painted on with tempera paint by a friend at an event focused around such things. Lazy fun... then a Very Chilly shower afterwards because the hot water only sort of works at the club.

I don't recall if I mentioned this in earlier journals, but my packer (Mr. Softy Small (I also bought a medium but it was too long for my preferences) arrived and I've enjoyed wearing it -and sometimes my corset at the same time.

I'm sure more exciting things have occurred, but I'm blanking now that I'm in front of the computer.

My ears healed up beautifully from the scalpeling. They are both at 3/4".

Jonesy lost 2 pounds for no known reason (been acting and seeming to eat just fine), but now that I'm back from visiting my mom (while he was kenneled with his vet and eating fine there, they said) he's not eating much here... I'm keeping an eye on the food bowl and worrying a little, but not much yet.

It freakin' cold here, too.