Gastric Bypass and Other

I've read and looked and visited and decided to go with the Gastric Bypass surgery instead of the Lap-Band. Higher risk during surgery, lower incidence of long-term issues.

Am living in Copperas Cove with Chael, have been for several months. It's totally podunk, but it's nice to be with him and I have MUCH better VA care here than I did in Dallas.

Just got back recently from a trip to my parents' and Camp Crucible. Was great to hang out with all of my House, Delta Sigma, and to see the beauty of home again. Went wine tasting with mom and sister.

Step-father lost his mind on my sister's daughter one night, totally apeshit and abusive, yelling bad names at her, mocking her crying, etc. Unsure if I'll go back and stay with them again, at least not again without my car with me so that I have an out. As it was, I was trapped there... it ruined the entire rest of my trip, having to see him and act like nothing happened, since that's how my mom and sister handled it and I had no way to leave til they put me on a plane a week later.

I don't want to see him again. But have no current issues with mom and sister that would keep me from visiting, so is tricky.

Am going to see Transfomers 3 with Chael tonight, plus go by Sally's for hair bleach and dye. I'm feeling up to re-coloring my hair, finally, so need supplies.

Thinking about me and us

Been talking a lot on the forums here lately and thinking a lot about Chael since he'll be home soon. These are some things I've long been aware of but haven't so much said here before (though they can be gleaned from my various posts, I'm sure, or if someone spends much time with me):

I am inherently selfish. I am incredibly self-centered and ego-centric. I am extremely introverted. I am highly possessive and in many areas very uptight. I am a slut. I rarely care about anyone other than myself, but when I do I tend to care too much. I am clinically hypersexual and have to work hard to not overwhelm my partner(s). I am intensely sensitive to being picked on or laughed at, but in most cases hide it so as to function around others.

I am not very verbally affectionate, I express myself more via physical and sexual affection, and again take great pains to try not to overwhelm others with it. I am terrible at flirting and banter. I am very good at discarding people I find no longer healthy for me. I am unusually independent and value my individuality above almost all else. I'm not very trustworthy except where I absolutely am.

I am controlling, mostly of myself but also of those who will let me be (that I care about). I always want/need too much from people I care for. I am not much of a talker, much more a listener. I hate confrontation and do not handle it well. I am a sucker for genuine-seeming compliments and actions. I've always been one to push myself too hard.

I view gifts of flowers with distrust, but still love to get them. I am very protective of the few people I let matter to me. I've got an oh so common weakness for kittens. I get a feeling of validation in my relationships from PDAs that I can't get with private affection. I detest anything that makes me feel like a "mommy" to someone or something. I always feel I can do something better myself except where I'm sure there's no way I should be doing it at all.

I have little patience for anything I see as immaturity or cruelty. I really wish I could have a dog. I torture myself imagining horrible what-ifs of my spouse or cat dying. I love being in the hospital, and while I usually cite the smell and sheets and my medical/objectification kinks, it also is likely tied to it being the only time I feel safe/justified to need taking care of.

I'm still afraid of octopus attacks and the swiggly life on ocean reefs, but at the same time love snorkeling. I don't think I have a favorite food. In fact, I'm not sure I can narrow anything down to a single favorite something besides Chael being my favorite person. My "favorite color" isn't actually my favorite color (story behind this). I love to dance though I'm sure I look foolish when doing so. I have a very dry word-and-wit-based sense of humor and tend to come off very dorky when I attempt to be otherwise funny.

I'm a traveler by nature and don't see myself settling down anywhere until my 50s, if then.

And while rather quiet in real life, I am obnoxiously verbose in type.

Today

Was a good day. Mostly, as far as actions go,at least.

I went to Smooth Solutions for a consultation and my first laser hair removal session (underarms). The people were friendly and it wasn't particularly painful... definitely not compared to other stuff I do, hair and not-hair related.

That damn cold gel they put on first was the worst part! lol.

Later Redeye42011 and -Lily- came over for a while and I put needles into Redeye with help from Lily. It was a nice little visit and playtime. :)

After they left I tinkered around a bit and then started getting some top drop... feeling melancholy and tired. So, I got myself around and went to yoga to see if that would stall it off. Yoga was rough tonight after such a big day but I did pretty good despite it. Unfortunately it didn't end my drop it just postponed it til afterward.

So, I spent some time laying down reading a book and generally doing comfort-cuddling by myself with the tv on.

As I said, the doings of the day were good and happy.

Unhappy, as some of my friends know already, is the state of my Jonesy cat. He's puking, not eating, and acting standoffish and old... when a few days ago you would've thought he was still only a year or 2 old; usually is bright eyed, runs around playing and chasing things, purrs if you so much as look at him, follows me around the house and curls up on me whenever I am still for a minute. Now there is something very wrong and the doc doesn't know what it is. I take him in tomorrow morning for another checkup to see if they can figure it out.

He and my spouse are really the only close family I have and have had for the past decade+. It was horrible losing Pixel last year, now I think Jonesy only has days left unless something changes. I won't be at AllCon much after all, I don't wanna be away from home if he dies.

So most everything planned for this weekend is off unless the vet has some new magic meds for him... I'm hoping they'll have some stronger anti-nausea meds for him than what I've been giving him now and he'll start to eat. We'll see.