Safer Blood Play Notice!

Due to reading elsewhere on the web some things that made me headdesk about the % and timings on using alcohol for disinfection in blood play I was irritated again and reminded of how many other times I run into these things.

First, I'm stating I'm a RACK player and a "do what you want as long as everybody's okay to do it with you" sort.

There are times I don't take full precautions on things... Chael and I are fluid bonded and both quite healthy, sometimes I just bust out something known to be clean (note, not sterile, just disinfected) and cut on him without barriers or skin prep. Usually not, but that has more to do with my own medical angle to sharps play and less about any serious risks to the two of us.

My thing here ISN'T about people saying "We know the risks and the safety measures available, and this is how much we've chosen to give a fuck". That's totally fine by me.

This IS about people who are SHARPS/CUTTING PLAY EDUCATORS often and repeatedly misinforming their classes, friends, whatever on the use of skin and surface disinfectants... the manner in which different ones work, what they are good to be used on, what concentrations they need be, how long they should be in contact with the item, any and how long of on-going effect they have after drying or rinsing, etc.

SO, with all that bitchy build-up, I present you two links from the CDC. These do not cover everything you may ever need to know, they are not the only things you should look at, etc and so on. But you should know these things before you go telling other people them (or more accurately speaking here, telling people things that are directly shown to be wrong by the CDC) or choosing your own acceptable risk levels:

http://www.cdc.gov/hicpac/disinfection_sterilization/6_0disinfection.html

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/PDF/rr/rr5116.pdf

When you're done there, if you have more questions, use the power of google and sites like that one to find out more.

/Endbitchrant

Registered for Camp Crucible in May!

I didn't sleep last night for some reason.  Soooo tired today I've been feeling really unwell today and am just taking it very easy around the house until it is time for bed (I don't dare lay down early or I'll just sleep an hour or so and wake up again possibly).  Uggggggghhhhh.

 

Chael owes me two rubs tonight.  The regular one and the one he missed last night because he passed out early and I was nice and didn't boot him out of bed lol.

I just registered us for the Full Monty at CampCrucible.com in May/Jun.  It'll be Chael's first Camp, first major kink event, and first time meeting the members and adjacents of Delta Sigma House.

I'm hoping all goes well and am quite excited.

 

And I am hearing noised coming from the kitchen that I can in no way relate to him cooking the chili I'd said I wanted tonight... time to investigate.

 

Back.  He's made some delightful chili that is warm on the stove, he just got in the mood to saute onions for his own dinner.  Okay.

 

Sent my sister some pictures from my sploshing and candy cane sets plus some random work, fun, and personal pictures I had around the computer that were somewhat recent.

Oh, also, my iphone 4 dropped into the toilet when I went to drop my pants to pee at a local restaurant the other night and is ruined so I have a new iphone 5 arriving in the next few days.  Hopefully Monday.  We'll see.

I wish I could take off my skin

An old, old writing saved from loss on myspace: i wish i could take off my skin.. whether carving it off and watching chunks fall to the floor or peeling it back with the tissue beneath being slowly revealed as the upper layer leaves the lower in the wiilling but grasping way that we know from eating oranges or skinning livestock... the muscle beneath being left behind bleeding... the face gone, stylized and universal in human meat. i wish to remove this covering that is associated with me by others, put aside this worthless form that identifies me and shapes opinion. these hands are not me. neither are these lips. i'd like to be smooth, a mimic of human form, a face with only the vaguest of features, a thing in living white-grey... hairless, faceless, sexless. scraping off this self with a mild mess resulting... but there is no other option than this, what i already have.

My Emergency Surgery on 12/30/12

Last Thursday night, around 8pm I started having abdominal pain. At first it was sharp twinges like gassiness, so I ignored it. But it kept getting worse and worse. Finally by 1:30am I crept my way into Chael's room, unable to stand up straight, barely able to walk, and woke him. We tried to have me take some tummy meds and lay back down... but again I could barely walk, he had to physically help me onto my bed, and I had to lay flat on my stomach with my face pressed into the sheets as I was unable to move any part of my body to include raising my head to look at my laptop without level 9 pain. No amount of staying still helped, any type of movement made it unbearably worse. I told him to take me to the ER. 10hrs, 3 shots of morphine, a CT scan and 2 X-rays later the military doctors decided I had a small partial blockage of my small intestine and that it was fine to send me home with some pain meds. That I'd be fine and should just do my already-scheduled routine bypass checkup in a few days. Considering each morphine shot worked for about half an hour and then the pain grew again to where I was having it worse and worse to literally writhing and shrieking on the hospital bed at times, I at this point gave the doctor the Crazy Eyes Look. He backed up a bit in his statements and then considered that maybe he should call my bypass surgeon to see if they wanted to see me and just do their own double-check on me. Sure enough, they wanted to and I was ambulanced to the civilian hospital. That partial blockage that the contrast during the CT scan had passed the narrow point and moved just fine through my intestines and I could go home with pain meds for according to the military doctors? Yeah, within 15 minutes of being in the civilian ER the surgeon was standing next to my bed telling me that they had reviewed those CT scans and the contrast HADN'T gone past the blockage point AT ALL and had, in fact, been BACKING UP into my old and new stomachs expanding and stretching them dangerously. I was immediately going into surgery, sign these forms. Within 30 minutes I was out cold and in surgery. I've never been treated so fast in an ER ever. This shit was serious. I woke later in recovery, really groggy, with a doctor sitting next to me talking to me as I tried to clear my head. Very attentive and trying to help me out. I immediately noticed the pain was gone. I wondered if they had me seriously doped, because all I felt was tenderness in my middle. Eventually I was taken to my main room where Chael met me. I laid there, slept on and off, talked to nurses and doctors that came in to check on me and see if I needed meds. I didn't, I only had discomfort at about the level of a 1-2. It was amazing to feel so much better. Eventually it became time where I knew I was going to crash for the night (about 8pmish) and Chael was dozing, too. So I told him to go home and be back around noon the next day. I was fine until around 2:30am when the pain started building, but only up to about a 5 or so. I called the nurse and she was there in about 3-5 minutes with Lortab. After that I got Lortab every few hours to keep it reduced to just achy. Throughout this trip there, the docs and nurses were awesome. I saw the doctors repeatedly. The nurses, too, and when I needed them between regular check-ins they were always there quickly. All were very friendly and focused on making sure I was alright. There was one odd/uncomfortable bit, though. The first time I had to get up to pee there were two nurses in my room. The one helped me get out of bed, had me stand still for a while as she steadied me (I was fine, but understood she was being careful and doing her job), then she walked me into the bathroom (again, good intentions), then turned me so my butt was to the toilet and started to lift my gown for me and help me sit down. This is way more personal than I needed or ever want to get with anyone. I gritted my teeth and dealt with it, though, thinking "ok, she's just trying to be very careful with me... this is super uncomfortable but I can deal with it...". Then she stepped away as though she was going to leave me to pee. -Except she didn't. She stood at the door of the bathroom, with the door wide open to the room and other nurse, and watched me pee. Waaaaaaay too personal and waaaayyyyy too much pressure for someone reeaaaaallly pee-shy after urinalysises in the Army. It felt just like that to me and it took me a very long time of concentrating VERY HARD to be able to unclench. Finally I did and I went to wipe... and she started walking toward me in a way that gave me the horrible impression she was going to help me wipe. I did it fast and went to stand before she could reach me to consider it. She then hands-on all helped me back to bed and in it. As said, I can understand her intentions, but holy god I never want to do that again. Anyways, sometime during the night one of the docs comes in while I'm awake (I slept off and on). This was my first chance to ask what was up with what they actually ended up doing inside me. Turns out I had a hernia in the back of my abdomen. My small intestine had gotten caught and that is what caused the blockage and pain. When they went in it turned out that my intestine had slipped out of the hole on its own and all they needed to do was sew up the tear and inspect my bowel for damage/rotting. Turns out as I'd gone in right away and they caught it at the civilian hospital so soon that there was no damage and they were able to just close me up. I spent a day in the hospital on meds and then up walking around slowly. With the Lortab my pain stayed very low. Again, just enough to know I'd had surgery, but not terrible at all. I did so well they let me go home that night instead of having me stay an extra day. I have been home a couple days now and am healing well. As long as I stay still and am gentle with myself I don't regularly need any pain medication. Now and then or when I am up and walking around I do and take it. I've 4 new holes in my stomach from the laparoscopy, the total holes they made were 5 but with one they actually went through an older lap scar so it's not a new mark. My tummy is getting polka dotted. It's good I heal well and scars fade so well on me. Give it a year and they'll be hard to see casually. I'm on movement and weight restrictions. No working out for me besides daily walks. I can eat whatever agrees with my insides, I've had no problems. So, I'm just spending time laying around healing. Interesting start to the New Year. But yeah, as with all the care I received when actually a soldier: Fuck Military Doctors.

Kisses and Jokes

He took me shopping again.  This time only for a few items, but it made me all smile.

We went to the store and were grabbing things for D&D, post-its and binders and whatnot, and were heading toward the cashiers... we walked near the beauty aisles.  I stopped and pointed and said, "I want to go THERE!".  So we did.

 

I'd no intention of getting anything... yeah, I know just how realistic that is haha.

It started with me finding a lipstick color I didn't have.  Then I found a brush of the type I'd been trying to find.  Then, while I was doing that Chael comes up to me and shows me something:  a purple eyeshadow with purple glitter in it.  I say, "ooooooo".  He asks, "do you want it?".  I respond, "YES!".

And for the next few minutes he keeps coming up to me with different eyeshadows asking me what I thought of them and if I wanted them.  I got curious what he was looking at and getting all these from and go over to him.  Low and behold there is glitter stuff galore.

Chael ended up getting me glittery eyeshadows, glittery mascara, glittery eyeliner, the hairbrush, and some lipsticks.

I really don't need more makeup but I love it so much...

So right now my lips are a bright red from the stuff I bought myself the other day and my eyelashes are glittery from what Chael got me today.

 

Tonight the rub was my feet.  I was fiddling in here on the computer talking to a potential slave that contacted me.  Things seemed to be going well until I laid it out for him that if I took him on I was guaranteeing/promising nothing... we could do great and be partners in the long run -or I could drop him in 2 weeks.  I didn't promise long-term to anyone and reserved the right to end a relationship if it wasn't working out in my opinion.  They logged off at that point with no further replies to me.

I was blunt as this is something that comes up often:  sub males think that if I say "let's give it a go and see what develops" that I am somehow pledging to be their mistress and to be so for an indefinite period or for always.  I've found I need to make it clear that I am *open* to having something work out over time, not that I am *stating something will* work out over time.

 

Anyways, back to home.  Tonight was a foot rub.  I was in here tinkering and heard the music start in the livingroom and noted in my peripheral vision that the lights in the other rooms were being turned off.  Next I felt Chael's presence at my door, so I got up to go into the livingroom with him.

We stood for a while holding each other, giving gentle and tender kisses.  We then settled down to his massaging me.  As usual it was quite lovely and relaxing.

While enjoying the rub I had some idea for small penis videos develop in my head and after it I talked to Chael about it some and he gave me a couple more thoughts.  Happily, these are videos I can do while healing as they aren't body-stressing or infection-risking (like the sploshing would be).

 

Oh, earlier regarding videos:  We were sitting talking about them and I was expressing how it's a bit hard to do the small penis and otherwise humiliation ones when you don't have someone to actually look at and go off their reactions.  Chael made the joke that I could yell at him, he'd just make me mad at him.

I said, "yeah, right" as that's not our style.

He paused during my reply and then said, "wait a minute, you wouldn't yell at me.  If I made you mad you'd make me write an essay again.  Nevermind that".

lol

He's all busy now and excited to be developing a D&D world.  Chael's an excellent DM, the best I've worked with.  He builds and runs free-form games, not campaigns.  If not familiar with the difference,  campaign games/modules have a set path, structure and goal.  Like, your group gets sent on a quest to kill a dragon and you all must do it together to reach that goal.

This type of play is both boring and annoying to me.

Free-form games, like Chael's, are where the DM sets up a world and let's you go and do whatever you want... together or separate.  You might all be in a village and receive a quest, then go as a group and go do it.  Or 3 of you say, "let's go do it!" and 2 say, "we're going to go do this other thing and explore this other area".  And he runs BOTH (or multiple) groups at one time.  Players are able to play against one another, change alignments and loyalties, travel together or separate, etc.  He regroups us from time to time to keep the game together and us interacting, but there's no one set goal or structure or mandatory behaviors in where we go or what we do or with who.

It's frickin' awesome.

I'm a little nervous about playing this time.  We only have one or maybe two other players besides me.  I HATE playing with one other person as there's not enough social interaction and playing characters off each other in the game.  So I'm praying we can get a third.

Then, they may be wanting to play good alignment characters.  I never play good aligned characters... I see no interest in this.  Why would I play someone who does the right thing or is always nice or doesn't randomly shiv others?

Also, it's always touchy the first time with a new group when you do jack another player for their stuff.

Getting a little view into my personality here?

My eyelashes are so glittery.

I told Chael I want him to learn to paint my nails in addition to taking the polish off.  He's game to try.  I'm sure this will be very frustrating for us both at first.