DIE ANTWOORD

Chael bought me tickets to see Die Antwoord in Dallas last week. It was great.

I was second person in so I got center-stage, right up against the bar. Thankfully, the bar was padded there. It was in the House of Blues.

They played for about 45-60 minutes? And it was great.

Yo-Landi is a VERY TINY PERSON. Seriously. As in so small it's distracting at first.

Their delivery was great, good crowd connection, lots of energy.

Had two very cool moments:

At one point Yo-Landi was standing towards the front of the stage staring out with a very serious, stern look on her face while her eyes passed over the crowd... And for a moment we looked directly at each other. I was grinning at her and for a split second she started to crack a smile, then quickly looked away and put back into place her I'm Very Serious face.

At the end Ninja did his 3rd or 4th stage-dive. This time directly into my arms. For a moment I had my arms around Ninja's rib cage before we all started pushing and lifting him up and towards the stage.

It was a scream-along, jump up and down, dance your ass off sort of show. Again, I thank HoB for the padding on the rail as I was Repeatedly. Slammed. Against. It. LOL.

I came out with my clothing literally drenched in sweat... As in you could've wrung out my shirt and pants. I'm not sure how much of it was mine.

I got beat so hard by other people during it that I couldn't return to the gym for 4 days after it as it hurt bad just to stand up... My whole torso set of muscles would hurt from trying to balance me after the beating I got at show. No bruises, though, surprisingly.

It was a really great time!


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Tardive dyskinesia worsening

Ive had it for a while now and it was thought to be caused by the anti-psychotic I was on. I've had the problem before but on switching meds it's faded away. It didn't fade this time and even after stopping the anti-p meds completely it's not going away. In fact, it's been getting worse. Sometimes it is permanent, so I'd considers that as a possibility... That I'd finally had it for good after that med. But with it getting worse I've been doing some googling on the other meds I'm on... And my mood stabilizer also can cause it. Plus, due to losing over 100 lbs it's possible I need my meds adjusted down. So I need to talk to my doc about this possibility and have us do some experimenting with dosages and meds. Because it's going from annoying to scary. I've started having trouble swallowing. At first it was rare and only for a second. As time has gone on, it's gotten to where it can take me a lot of tries and a bit of panic to be able to swallow again. Not just with food, but with the ever-constant swallowing of saliva. I'll be doing my normal thing and then it's liked my throat is paralyzed. I try to swallow and it's just closed up and does nothing. I can still breathe, though. I'm concerned not only with the swallowing getting worse, but that I'm reading that when you develop throat-effecting TD, it can start interfering with breathing, too. So none of this is good.

Motivation

I spent the past two weeks or so with no motivation to workout and eat right. I kept doing it because I have to, but I sure wasn't feeling it. Every trip to the gym was dragging myself. I was doing the minimum I had to. As of yesterday I'm feeling more alive again and back to being motivated in my eating and exercise, thank goodness! Did 3 hours of exercise yesterday and am doing 2 hours today. I've, with my doc's permission, upped my eating from 2 meals a day to sometimes having 3 so that I can better get my protein in. I'm starting that today as my protein is low. I need an extra meal today to get it all in. My docs are pleased with my progress and exercise patterns, I've lost 118 pounds in about 6.5 months, and my labs are looking good. I lost 1.8lbs yesterday, breaking a stall I've been in. I'm so glad I'm no longer dragging myself around to workout and eat well. It was really bothersome for a few weeks there.

Open to a slave

Ive been a while without a slave or domestic. I have my Chael but that is more d/s and service inside a romantic relationship.

I miss owning someone. I miss objectifying, humiliating, controlling. I miss being served in the many ways Chael doesn't. I miss a worshipful treatment.

So, once again I've opened myself up to having a slave. I'm talking to people in NYC to find someone compatible.

I'm also very excited to be making the move there. I keep googling more info and asking folks questions.

Chael is still getting his retirement paperwork together. It should be ready by Friday.


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Unable to relate

I find myself really unable to relate to others who have had WLS. Online or in-person support groups just leave me frustrated and somewhat isolated feeling... They basically all come down to "When can I cheat on my diet?", "I have cheated on my diet and it went like this", "I am mourning food so bad!". I was never a food addict, I WANT to stay on my doc's plan, I'm getting good results and have never felt regret about my decision. I really can't understand someone choosing this option and then asking, "when can I eat donuts again?". wtf? Not to mention, I just went to an on-post support group and the topic of me not being able to take protein shakes anymore by doc's order came up... and the nurse/doc running the group told me, "well, you *can do* anything you want". Again wtf?! No I can't, not if I'm going to follow my doctor's plan. Why would she basically tell me it's okay to cheat?? jesus. I just don't get it. I can't relate to these people. As said, it's frustrating and isolating. Why don't they just do what their doctors' say? On a different note, I'm at an even 200 lbs today. It's taunting me. I'm so close to being in the 100s.